Self love is key to having a high self esteem. However, to love yourself, you’ve got to first like yourself.
However many self affirmations we state, and self love books we may read, you can still be doing things subconsciously that sends the message that you do not like yourself. Old habits are hard to break, and until we feel worthy enough to break them, those old habits continue to repeat continuously.
Here are some clear indications that you don’t actually like yourself!
- Always loving, what don’t love you back:
This is probably one of my favorites, because I am a pro at it. If you’re anything like me, you may suffer from ‘the fix it’ syndrome. That’s when you just want to fix everything and everyone. You believe with all your heart that you can love a person enough for both of you. Only to find yourself, feeling drained and unloved in return. Those of us that are hindered by this ailment, often see ourselves as victims to big, cold hearted bullies. But, the truth of the matter is, that person probably made it clear by either, words or action that they had little to none interest in loving you back.
Solution: Neglect the need to fix everyone, and fix yourself. There is something broken in you, that makes you feel inadequate to love. Remember, it is not enough to love. Love and BE LOVED.
2. You know better, but you do the opposite:
We’ve all seen the Kermit memes on the internet. Good Kermit gives a logical solution to a problem, while in return a hooded, Kermit alter ego, provides the irrational, bad choice. While, these memes are hilarious, for some of us, this is a harsh and sad reality. Self sabotage is a clear and present sign that you just don’t care too much about you. Often driven by fear of accomplishment, and happiness, self sabotagors , find it hard to accept that for once something is going right. Before, things have a chance to turn for the worst, they often force the plunge.
Solution: You can not expect a different solution, by doing the same thing. Accepting the fact that you’re future can be good, and much different than your past, is the first step. Learn to embrace change. If things are going really good- let them. Life is filled with peaks and valleys. If you’re high, allow it to happen, because you’ll soon be in a valley again, no need to create that hell for yourself.
3. You put your health on the back burner daily:
You know you should be exercising daily. You feel the guilt, each time you indulge or see someone living the fitness life your heart desires. For some reason, you just can’t allow yourself to start. Instead you wallow in your self disappointment daily, which only adds insult to injury, and keeps you a prisoner to bad health habits.
Solution: Take charge. You are your own worst enemy, and in this same thought, you can be your number one cheerleader. It’s all mental. Your health is directly tied to your happiness.
4. You spend too much time on social media comparing yourself to others:
A sure sign of self hate, or self loathing, is always comparing yourself to someone else. Social media, creates the perfect environment for that type of behavior to thrive. You scroll down your timeline, and see a college friend that just got married, and question why you haven’t found Mr. Right. You see a former co-worker, killing a two piece on the beach, and beat yourself up for still having a FUPA, 13 years after giving birth. Instantly, your mood sways, and you question your self worth.
Solution: Do not be so disillusioned by feeble things. You are an original. God created you as a single being, so you might bring into this world your own special thing. Constantly, thinking about how you don’t measure up to others, whether on your friends list, or in real life, is a self esteem dagger. Instead, embrace whatever it is you have to offer. And if you see something, or someone and feel a way, that’s a sign that you’re not happy in that area of your life- so fix it!
5. You never take time for yourself:
Call it mommy guilt. Call it woman guilt. Call it, whatever you’d like. Either way there comes a time in all our lives where we feel bad for wanting to care for ourselves a bit more. Neglecting our self, impacts us, and those we love. That’s because the self neglect will show up as anger, irritability, or impatience. What’s worst is your idea of taking time for yourself, means sleeping. No! Take time to be alert, conscious and alone. Reflect on your self care, reflect on your role in the people you love lives. Are you meeting, or exceeding the expectation (or under performing).
Solution: Carve the self care time out in your schedule, and protect it with all you have.